


How did it feel, leaving him behind?

by Disaster_Lady



Category: PAYDAY (Video Games)
Genre: Angst to Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-22
Updated: 2015-12-22
Packaged: 2018-05-08 08:41:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,229
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5490899
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Disaster_Lady/pseuds/Disaster_Lady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I left because I thought you were dead,” Dallas said quietly.</p><p>Hoxton sighed. “For a moment, so did I. It's quite a shock to wake up handcuffed to a hospital bed.” </p><p>Post Breakout, Dallas and Hoxton try to figure things out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How did it feel, leaving him behind?

_How did it feel, leaving him behind?_

Those words had bothered him more than he was willing to admit. The Dentist knew exactly how to get to him.

 Dallas thought it was a barely believable idea, breaking Hoxton out of prison. But here he was, lying on a bed in a safe house The Dentist had set up.  Hoxton’s injured leg was propped on pillows. He hadn't noticed Dallas waiting in the doorway, or was choosing to ignore his presence.

 This conversation was going to happen sooner or later. It was one that ought to happen before their lives got more complicated. All the business that had grown between them over the past two years needed to be resolved before it drove them apart forever.

 “What are you drinking?” said Dallas, hoping for a reaction out of Hoxton.

 He was balancing a bottle of something on his stomach, taking careful sips as not to spill it all over himself.

  “Bourbon, Wick gave it to me.” Hoxton gave a cheeky grin and waved the bottle around.

 “Are you sure you should be drinking that? Considering all the painkillers you took.”

 “You gonna begrudge a man fresh from a prison a drink?”

 “No.”

 Silence. Dallas was no coward, but he thought about walking away.

 No one had known about it, before or after Hoxton went to prison. Dallas did not tell Chains or his brother. And considering his brother’s tenure as “Hoxton,” it was probably for the best he had no clue. Wolf might have known there was something going on, but the man kept those opinions to himself. Dallas was not looking for sympathy, and mourned for a barely year long relationship alone.

 “You gonna be a bloody stranger or what?” said Hoxton. “You can come over.” He patted the space on the bed next to him.

 Dallas closed the door. He kicked off his shoes and laid down, careful that they were not touching each other. They stared at the ceiling, silent.

  “You look different with short hair.” Not the best first topic, but it was an easy one to start with. Better than saying that he looked different with the burn scars.

 “Long hair gives people something to grab onto.” Hoxton took another drink of the bourbon.

 “I left because I thought you were dead,” Dallas said quietly.

 Hoxton sighed. “For a moment, so did I. It's quite a shock to wake up handcuffed to a hospital bed.” There was a long pause, as if he had trouble deciding what to say next. “If you had known I was alive, would you have done it differently?”

 Dallas expected he would not like his answer.“I’ve asked myself that for two years. I honestly don’t know. I had Chains and Wolf to get out of there. And you’re the one that said no favoritism. ”

 “I think I was chosen. Those bastards knew too much.” Hoxton was letting him off the hook for that one. Or at least he was not going to say more.

 “I got you out of there as soon as I could.”

 An excuse. But excuses were all Dallas could offer. They knew the risks to this lifestyle, and prison was one of them. That had been the hardest pill to swallow after Hoxton was arrested, that there was nothing he could do. Dallas had connections, but not the right ones. Not till The Dentist showed up.

 “I give you credit for that.”

 Hoxton took one of his hands off the bottle, flexing his fingers before placing it back on the bourbon.

 “I fucking missed everyone while I was in Hazelton.”

 Dallas considered himself part of that everyone, but it was not exactly what he wanted to hear.

 “It sure as hell wasn’t the same without you.”

 Hoxton scoffed. “Yeah and you got that shitty pretender instead. Oh, I know he’s your brother, but still.”

 “It’s what worked at the time.” Another excuse.

 Hoxton was about to say something else, before he was interrupted by a knock on the door.

 “Dallas, you in there?” It was Chains.

 Before he could respond, Hoxton did for him.

 “He is.”

 “Bain wants to talk.”

 “You can go,” said Hoxton. He was not telling him to leave, but he obviously did not want Dallas to stay.

Dallas got off the bed, again not touching Hoxton. He was not sure of the reaction if he did.

 This could have gone worse.

***

Hoxton got busy fast in his post prison life, reconnecting with old friends. The gang got bigger and for the first time, more lady-like. If you could call Clover and Bonnie “ladies.”

Clover was handy, as sneaky as she was. Dallas privately laughed at his little brother making a jackass of himself holding doors open for her. Bonnie was interesting, if Dallas was being polite. During a heist she was usually swearing and hitting cops with an empty scotch bottle.

 But Hoxton had vouched for her. She had what they needed, a lead on the rat.

 Not that she could have prepared them for who the son of a bitch was.

 Dallas sat in the safe house, reading the transcripts from the feds’ interrogations of Hector. Fucking disturbing stuff. He had been this close to being in Hoxton’s position. If Hector hadn’t thought he was valuable…

 Hoxton was making tea in the kitchen.

 “To think that I was the second choice,” he joked darkly. It was the first time they had spoken alone since the breakout. “And I got such a charming personality too.”

 The teapot whistled as the water boiled.

 “Hector got was he deserved.” Dallas would remind Bain to be more wary of who they took contracts from.

 “Fucking Judas cunt.” Hoxton violently dropped the tea bag in his cup.

 “For sure.”

 It was still off between them. Working together was fine, they were too professional for that. Dallas had not tried to continue their earlier conversation. Hoxton hadn’t either.

 “I’m going downstairs,” said Hoxton, mug in hand.

 Before he went to the basement, Dallas said the one thought that had been gnawing at him since getting the files..

 “If it was the other way around-”

 Hoxton cut him off without turning towards him. “If you wonder about my answer, you’re more bloody insecure than I thought.”

 Dallas threw the files on the table. Was he fucking insecure? Well he was lacking something, he didn’t have the courage to ask Hoxton how he was feeling point blank. It was a bad failing on his part, he was supposed to be the leader of this “organization.” The pair could dance around it all day. Hoxton was the type of person to say whatever the fuck he wanted, and the fact that he wasn’t talking much to Dallas was telling.

 Shit.

***

Dallas was taking the liberty of having an evening alone in his apartment. Nights like this were few and far between, and he tried to take advantage of them when he could.

 A few of the others were off at some dive bar he was not interesting in attending. Even he wanted a few quiet hours to unwind. He was sitting on the sofa, reading a book he hadn’t touched in months.

 There was a knock on the door. He rarely had visitors. Not many people knew his address as an occupational hazard. The lateness of the hour made Dallas wary. He looked through the peephole. Hoxton was waiting on the other side, trying not to look suspicious with a dark pair of sunglasses.

 Dallas opened the door. “What are you doing here?”

 “Hello to you too.”  Hoxton stepped inside, tucking the glasses inside his jacket pocket. “I see you haven’t changed the place much.”

 “I thought you would be out drinking.”

 “It wound down after Wolf tried to sing karaoke. Put enough booze in that man…”

 “And weird shit happens. What made you come all the way over here,” Dallas asked cautiously.   

 "I need a reason?”

 “I wonder about ulterior motives.”

 “You mistrust me that much?”

 Dallas pinched the bridge of his nose. “It’s not about mistrust.”

 “Then what?” Hoxton said, annoyed,

 “I find it hard to believe that you just came here on a whim after after you’ve been ignoring me,” said Dallas. 

“Me? Ignoring you. That’s a fucking low blow,” Hoxton said harshly.

“Really? I thought I was being honest,” Dallas hissed. He didn’t want his neighbors thinking there was a fight going on. 

Hoxton swung wide, hitting Dallas on the cheekbone. Two could play at this game, Dallas punched him straight in the face. Hoxton stumbled back, blocking the blood streaming out of his nose with the back of his hand.

“I didn’t hit you at full strength, you twat.”

Another thing Dallas could feel guilty for. “Jim, I’m sorry.”

He reached out, apologetic, before letting his arm fall.

Hoxton wiped the blood off his face. “Why is it that you only ever call me ‘Jim’ when you think I’m mad at you?”

“Covering my ass I guess. Trying to make sure you don’t stay pissed at me.”

“I can’t fucking help it!” Hoxton snapped.

“Help what?” said Dallas. Now they were getting somewhere. 

“Resenting you.” 

Dallas folded his arms across his chest. “That’s what I was afraid of.”

Hoxton flicked blood off his hand. “Poor you, it’s real fucking shit to finally be back around the person you love and hating their guts at the same time.” 

“You still love me?” Dallas did not mean to sound as sad as he did saying it.

“That’s kinda the fucking point.” Hoxton got up in his face. “It’s why I’m here and not off getting shitfaced with Bonnie. And don’t you fucking get soft on me, I didn’t spent two years in prison for you to turn into a fucking doormat, going all ‘woe is me, I got a guilty conscience’.”

Dallas pushed him away, not as hard as before. “You don’t make it easy! I don’t know how the fuck to deal with you when you sulk. You should have punched me the night we got you out, instead of his avoidance shit.” 

“Oh fuck off.”

Dallas rolled his eyes. “What do you want from me, Jim?”

He had said that after Hoxton kissed him the first time. Maybe he would remember that. 

Hoxton shrugged. “I don’t fucking know. That’s what I’ve been trying to figure out.”

“How about this?” said Dallas, not hiding the edge in his voice. “Yes, I feel guilty that you got caught. I’m damn certain that if I went back for you, alive or not, we’d all be in custody. And you’re being a real prick if you think I left you in there any longer than I had too. And I would still get your sorry ass out of prison even if I knew things would never be good between us again.”

Hoxton nodded slightly. “Believe me, I know it’s fucking irrational. But you have to understand, prison was a bloody hell hole and I hated every motherfucker who was responsible. Even in the smallest way. Anger keeps you going.”

“You still going to be angry now that you’re free?”

Hoxton laughed sadly. “It’s not that easy to let go of.” 

“What do you need me to do?”  Dallas tensed up waiting for him to answer.

Hoxton waited a moment before replying. “As apologies go, that was alright.”

Dallas frowned.“Alright?”

Before he had a chance to realize what was happening, Hoxton grabbed Dallas by the shirt collar, kissing him. It was rough and desperate. Dallas felt the contrast between the sides of Hoxton’s face, the scars a permanent reminder of his experiences.

“Can you feel anything here?” Dallas brushed a thumb on them.

“Enough.”

They tumbled on to the sofa, 

Dallas pushed Hoxton off of him. “Is this even a good idea?”

“Maybe. Getting laid was on my list of shit I wanted to do when I got out. Consider it the rest of your fucking apology.”

Dallas undid one of the buttons on Hoxton’s shirt. “Yeah, but not on my sofa.”

***

Hoxton was resting his head against his chest. They were sharing the one cigarette Dallas had found in his bed side table.

“So you fuck anyone else while I was in there?”

 Dallas rolled his eyes. “You asking me this after we’ve had sex?”

 He took a drag. “I didn’t think to ask till now.”

 “Not another man.” It would have felt weird to do so, disloyal.

 “I can live with that.”

 There were more questions and concerns Dallas had about the future. True stability never happened for people in their field. They had to fight for what little they could create.

 “Are we going to keep this to ourselves again,” he asked. Not that he thought that anyone in the crew would have an issue with their relationship. Or would dare to voice one. It was logistics, he had too many secrets to keep already.

 Hoxton waved the cigarette around. “I don’t really give a fuck if those wankers know. Keeping it quiet gets bloody annoying after a while. It’s not like we’re holding hands and skipping around during a job.”

“Imagine the news reports.”

“They can all figure it out.” Hoxton started to laugh.

“Why are you laughing?”

“I can’t wait to see Houston’s face when he does.”

Dallas hit him with a pillow.

**Author's Note:**

> This ended up being a lot longer than I originally expected. But that's probably a good thing.
> 
> My in-universe explanation for Hoxton's lack of pony tail during Breakout is that someone must have pulled it during a prison fight and that made him cut it off.
> 
> Edit 4/4/2016- This story was the inspiration for Kydala's fan art   
> [Back here](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6453940)


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